Sometimes you get too far along to turn back. It happened to me at seminary. It was a 90 credit hour MDiv and I was 76 hours deep. It was too far to turn around. It had to be finished. I went spelunking once and we got way down deep in the ground, exploring this or that, and we couldn’t stay. We had to work our way out.
These days things feel like they’re moving in slow motion. Job pursuits are slow; applications take forever to complete; my experiences never line up with job titles. I’m always trying to talk my way into this or that. My skills will carry me once the door opens; I have skills. I keep telling myself that.
Yesterday, Marcia (my beautiful, gracious wife) celebrated her 24th wedding anniversary (I did too by the way). This seems unbelievable even to me. It’s amazing to see so many ups and downs and discover you still love and enjoy the same person, year after year. It’s not even difficult. It’s actually fun.
Some would say, I’m sure, that we’re a special case or we’ve found some special technique. In truth, we’re quite flawed. We’re just in too deep to quit. Oh, no, it’s not that we couldn’t walk away and find some newer younger, more muscular model who makes more income. It’s more that we’ve discovered a deeper reason to remain married. We’ve seen the depth of our need, bathed in the sorrow of disappointment and found that Jesus’ love was deeper than our wounds.
I’m not sure we clearly understand the depth of Jesus love; the longer I live, the more ignorant I feel. His depth of grace and kindness – even when we’re not sure how to reach out to him – moves toward us, deepening our ability to love and meeting our needs. It’s complicated and miraculous.
I’m in too deep to quit.